.png)
“The Mental Load is the work you do when no one is watching.”
(By Emma, author of You Should’ve Asked)
Emma is a French illustrator and writer who brought global attention to the concept of Mental Load through her work on Invisible household and Emotional Labour.
Most women feel their energy draining long before the day even starts. Even before her feet touch the floor in the morning, though few things are planned the day before, a woman often wakes up with a checklist already running in the background. I’ve often wondered, Why does my mind feel tired even when I haven’t done anything physically exhausting? When I reflected on my own life and the experiences of the women around me, I realised something important. The weight we carry isn’t always visible, but it has layers. Some parts feel like endless planning, some feel like managing everyone’s emotions, and others feel like the pressure to stay composed no matter what.
And the truth is, much of a woman’s stress doesn’t come from the tasks she completes, but from the expectation that she must constantly manage everything, often without recognition. This silent pressure shapes every part of her day, influencing her energy, mood, and overall mental well-being, even when she doesn’t realise how heavy it is.
Over time I realized that what drains me most isn’t always what I do, but what I carry. Here are the three types of invisible load that most women carry: Cognitive Labour, Emotional labour, and Psychological Labour. And I’m certain, if you read on, you may recognise a lot of your own story in these categories , because these patterns are woven quietly into our routines.
1. Cognitive Labour
The constant working of mind over multiple things like thinking, planning, decision-making, anticipating, organising, and holding everyone’s needs in mind is called the Cognitive Labour. This is the never-ending checklist running in the background.
Women often carry this Mental Load of responsibility of constant planning and remembering when and what needs to be done. It’s not just doing the task, but carrying the responsibility of making sure the task gets done.
Some common instances include:
Women bear the Decision-Making Load, making hundreds of micro-decisions daily, often for themselves and others. This leads to stress, emotional drain and mental fatigue, a major contributor to burnout. For example, what to cook, do I have mails to respond, what needs attention first, how to balance work and home, how to respond to situations. Consider these areas of decision making:
2. Emotional Labour
This is one of the heaviest invisible burdens women carry. It’s not about tasks, it’s about feelings.
Women often act as the emotional anchor in families and relationships, hence the Emotional Load. They often seem to be managing everyone’s emotions, soothing, balancing, and absorbing the moods around them. Here are some situations you might relate.
This is a silent labour, being the emotional “regulator” for others, often at the cost of their own emotional needs.
Caregiving Load isn’t only physical,it’s emotional too. This emotional aspect of caretaker is rarely acknowledged, yet deeply exhausting. It could be:
Even when others help, the woman often carries the coordination of care.
3. Psyhcological Labour
Psychological labour is the internal work women do to manage themselves, their reactions, expectations, and identity.
Self-Management Load is the unseen pressure to “keep it together”. Women often feel expected to be composed, responsible, and emotionally stable at all times. Women feel pressure to:
This internal monitoring can be just as exhausting as external responsibilities and often completely invisible to others.
Lastly the Social Load where the women frequently take on the responsibility of sustaining social connections and keeping relationships running smoothly. For reference:
This load is invisible because society often assumes women will naturally be the caretakers of relationships.
CONCLUSION
Why These Loads Matter???
The invisible load is not a weakness, nor is it a personal flaw. It is a reflection of how much women hold, manage, and sustain every single day, often without acknowledgment. These layers of Cognitive, Emotional, and Psychological labour quietly shape a Woman’s Inner World and influence her energy, well-being, and sense of self, far more than most people realise.
Each type of invisible load may seem small on its own. It isn’t one single burden, it’s a combination of many small, constant mental and emotional responsibilities that quietly accumulate. A women is fully prepared for the next day’s physical tasks, once she rests. But often what truly drains her is this Invisible load. A quiet pressure that drains and leaves women feeling exhausted even on days when nothing “big” happened.
I hope this blog has created meaningful awareness, not only for the women who hold these unseen burdens, but also for those who share their lives. “Recognising these layers is the First and Most Important Step Toward Understanding, Empathy, and Support.”
But the deeper question remains:
Why do women carry so much silently?
And how do these patterns develop over time?
That’s exactly what we will explore in my next series. Stay tuned…
